Making friends as an adult

Tribes somehow find each other. I don’t know what it is, but somehow people who’re looking for, doing & in a state of mind that’s similar end up finding each other. Maybe its a version of confirmation bias. Just just like when you think about buying a new car & have narrowed down on one, you see it everywhere, maybe when you’re looking for or doing certain things, you see others doing them too. Your vision narrows & you tend to notice a lot more people around you who’re doing similar things.

This is great, because this is maybe how communities are built. And I’m not talking about communities from a business point of view, where companies are artificially manufacturing feeble attempts at communities to sell their products. I’m talking about that weird group on Whatsapp which discusses Biohacking, F1 or Startups. Or that strange corner on Reddit discussing the best indoor plants which you suddenly find yourself too invested in.

I think of this now because in the past few months, ever since I’ve fully transitioned from a Musician to a Founder, I’ve come into contact with other builders by pure serendipity. As an adult, its difficult to make new friends, since our circles are already defined & we know how we’re fulfilling our different needs. But communities make it easier. There’s already common interests amongst people and they’re casual enough to ensure there’s something to talk about which isn’t too invasive or serious. The second part of this is whats very interesting to me. I find it hard to have frivolous conversations with anyone & that doesn’t make me for light hearted company on the best of days. So making friends with people sharing common interests is great because it lets me have a low stakes conversation about things that are interesting to everyone, but not serious enough for others to consider intense.

The human experience craves connection & sometimes, intense, all-in connection isn’t what is required. In all likelihood, by the time you’re in your thirties, chances are that you’ve found your core group of connections. Your relationship with your family might be okay, you may have a partner who fulfils some of your basic emotional needs or you might have friends who you’ve been close to for years & who’ll always be there for you. But, what I feel lacking is a group of people who have common interests. My group of friends from childhood are amazing & I wouldn’t change them for anything, but we connect on a very different emotional level.

Maybe this is why weekend motorcycling clubs, plant garden associations & RWA’s function so well.

Instead of spending time with friends in order to complete a shared project […,] one pursues a common project in order to spend time with friends.