Our identities are strange things. What makes up the idea of our self? Is it our achievements that we’ve managed to collect over time? The relationships we’re lucky to call our own? A mix of both of those, the things we own & the things we do?
I’ve been battling with this thought for a few years now, ever since I decided to step out of the music business. Reflecting upon my own identity in & out of therapy, I realised that a large part of it was tied to my career as a musician. When I start doing something, I jump head first (sometimes foolishly) and allow it to consume me completely. This, while good for progress in said domain by the method of “acting as if”, also leads to it forming my identity of self in my head. This would be good, but I’ve never considered the price of losing a large part of that identity. Until now.
I’m somewhere in no-mans land, my new identity is still being formed, the cement hasn’t dried yet & my past is still calling out to me. It’s a strange place to be in. Who am I is a question I struggle with daily & existential angst isn’t something that’s going to go away quickly.
Small wins are especially important at this time. I just hope I manage to get some quickly.