Minimising Regret

Minimising regret & “what could’ve been”.

• Regret is one of those things that you can’t do much about. And it stays with you for good. You can rationalise it all you want, but deep down it’ll always keep gnawing at you. The problem is, most of us don’t realise that almost everything is reversible.
• Except a handful of things which you won’t be able to recover from (loss of physical or mental abilities, complete financial ruin or the likes), everything is more or less reversible. A few days, months or years here and there aren’t going to make a difference in the long run & for that reason, it might be a good idea to optimise for minimising regret. When faced with something that you’re unsure of doing, asking yourself what you fear about it & whether its rational or not is the first place to start.
• I typically use an almost caveman like “whats the worst that could happen” question, and this is pretty powerful because when you actually sit down to think about it (or write it down), it’s usually not that bad.
• For instance, moving to a new city? Trying a new career? Sharing something you’ve made with the world? Asking someone out at a coffee shop? Whats the worst that can happen?
• Well, in those specific cases :
• You don’t like it. You’re lonely, you miss your family & friends. The city seems hostile & the people even more so. No matter how hard you try, you just can’t catch a break. You “waste” a few months, maybe years of your life. The positives of this seemingly “negative” experience (I’m not trying to be toxically positive, at times these moments truly suck and can feel like they’ll never end) which in all likelihood you won’t realise till you’re completely out of it are many. For instance, you might become more independent & comfortable with yourself. You might learn to hustle & build up a life from scratch in a new place. You probably learnt how to cook, clean & do all the “adult” things that you possibly never did before. You might’ve managed to get your budgeting & finances in order. And most importantly, even though it didn’t work out in the way you thought it would, you gave it a shot & can now be at peace with the fact that maybe it just wasn’t for you. Everything, if interpreted correctly, can be used as data.
• The same thing goes for trying a new career. Starting from scratch, you’ll have to learn how to play a completely different game. The rules have changed, the players are new & you have no idea whats going on. It takes you longer to do basic things, you aren’t really good at them too & it’s tough moving the needle. You can’t catch a break & are back to where you started. Are you though?
• You learnt something completely new & figured things out from scratch.
• You gave it a shot & realised it wasn’t for you and can now use that data to try something else OR go back to what you were doing.
• I’m a big fan of sharing what you’ve made with the world, with all its rough edges. Sure, it’s scary. No one seems to like it. You aren’t getting the appreciation and can’t move forward with it. So you give up. What’s the worst that would happen? You think people are laughing at your art, craft music photo video company. But, lets be real, people don’t care. People are too self absorbed to think about you.
• Asking someone out at the bar? Whats the worst that can happen? They say no. At least you gave it a shot.
• I was thinking about this because I came back to Bombay after a long time & love this city quite a lot. I moved to Bombay in 2017 to chase my Bollywood dreams.
• I’d been thinking about it for a while but never got around to doing it because of the fear of
• Moving to a new city to start over
• Losing what I had here already (nice studio space, gigs with bands, friends & family)
• Everything was going well & I could’ve easily lived the rest of my life in Delhi. It would’ve been fine, no doubt. But was it really what I wanted?
• Didn’t I want to go for the gold & see what happens? I mean, whats the worst that can happen?
• Looking back, I realised I was minimising regret. Later on in life, I didn’t want to think even remotely that “oh if I’d moved to Bombay, things would’ve been so good”.
• I had a great time in Bombay for the 3 years that I was there and it was one of the most transformative experiences I’ve ever had. It was tough, no doubt but it gave me clarity about what I truly wanted in life & whether what I was trying to do in Bombay aligned with my vision of what I wanted my life to be.
• It made my realise that doing music the way Bombay does was not for me & the business was not suited to who I was as a person. Most importantly though, it gave me peace that I tried, it didn’t work out & that’s alright.